Loathing

So I completely and totally loath myself right now!!! Do you ever make a rule for yourself and swear your never gonna break it and then when you do you couldnt be more ashamed. I always knew that until I actually had kids that all those things I judged other people for that I would end up doing. Yesterday after upteen 5-10 min naps where i would just put her down and she'd wake up fresh as a daisy and refuse to go back to sleep and then get cranky and cry and refused to be put down unless entertained, I was ready to go insane. So I did it!!! I tore into the Baby Einstein sign language video I bought her for xmas (thinking at 6mons 2o mins of educational video isnt so bad) and I plopped her down infront of it. Of course she loved it! I just needed a few minutes to get things done, its not like I had a bath or read or even cleaned (yes I am trying to convince myself not you that I am not a horrible mother), the child had no bottles and no formula preparred for her to eat for her feeding in an hour. And yes I could do it all while holding her but it gets very messy and takes twice as long. When Camryn screamed bloody murder in the car for several weeks my mother suggested getting a portable DVD player and baby einstein for the car, of course I gave her the "are you crazy look?" and kept believing Camryn would not be infront of the tv at this age. So I caved, mother you were right (i know you like to hear that), but I still loath myself!!